Naija Blues

i've got the kraft
macaroni & cheese blues
i've got the bluessss...

I don't know what's happening to me today. I just woke up sooooo depressed. I think i've been so tired mentally and bored for a little while now. My job is probably the biggest contributor to this. It's gone from something that was so fantastic, enjoyable, and challening. In fact last year I had to keep reminding myself that I'm so lucky to have a job doing exactly what I want to do. But since then, everything has just soured. In the name of job expansion i guess, another portfolio has been added to mine, and i'm just not with it. HOWEVER, it's taken soo much of my time. I want to have a good outlook like ok, i'll do this one extremely well, to the absolute best of my abilities, and just use this opportunity to show my versatility but damn.........coupled with the after effects of the scandal, and the office place just not being the same.

I think I just want to go home. I'm tired of Nigeria. I miss the things that have been "regular" to me for soo long. I was joking with my friend the other day that I think the day my plane lands in America, I will be so goddamn emotional. Man, it's been a long while since i've been out, and a long way for me. I remember the day I left home. No one was even home. Just me and my brother and we weren't even talking at that time. I just got up, showered, finished packing, called a cab. I remember we had just had a snowstorm and there was ice everywhere. I remember calling Tmobile from the taxi and they ticking me off :) Yes, I definitely need to go visit and SOON or i'mma have to cut somebody. I don't know how i'll do it though since getting anything at work is like getting to see Babangida while he's visiting Obasanjo in Aso Rock. I always say, if there's anything that can go wrong, any roadblocks that can pop up, the people at my job WILL find it and just make your life a living hell. A friend of mine recently needed a letter that stated that she did indeed work there and you wouldn't believe the hassle. Something that should be as simple as:
SHE: i need a letter stating I work here please
THEM: oh, (since that's one of my freaking templates) sure, come pick it up next week.
SHE: thanks!

But noooooo........ this is how it goes instead
SHE: Please, please, please, please, i need a letter stating I work here...please
THEM: go and write me a formal letter asking me
SHE: ok
****
SHE: ok, here's the letter
THEM: you need to get it signed by your boss
SHE: ok
(walks back about a block to her office to get's it signed)
SHE: here it is!
THEM: (looks disgustingly at the letter)you need to get it signed by HR
SHE: uhm...ok
(walks to HR to get it signed)
HR: why do u need this
SHE: i need to get a visa
HR: why
SHE: i want to travel
HR: put the dates and get your boss to sign it (knowing that would be impossible cuz she's not allowed to go to vacation yet)
SHE: uhm, i'm going on a weekend so i don't see why my boss as to approve the dates
HR: you're going to London for the weekend (looking disgustingly)
SHE: yes
HR: she still needs to sign the date
SHE: ok
(goes to reprint the letter, sign it by her boss, take to HR to sign, take to Corporate Affairs to sign)
THEM: ok, come and get it in 4 working days
SHE: but it's just right there, you just need to sign it and i'll be on my way.
THEM: Sorry, the policy is 4 working days
SHE: (?!@?!!!?@@!!) NARF OFF!!!

Lol. except for the narf off, that's the way it goes. for a simple letter. that states you work for the company...........BLAH! Maybe I should just lie and say I was abducted for two weeks! they'd believe that ish for SURE!

Anyway back to my depression. It's even bordering on the existential a la Lisa in Saved By The Bell (what is art? is art art? are we art?) Lol. Hey! Maybe it's just a quarter life crisis, i've heard of this happening but maybe this is it? One thing I find myself thinking about (or trying not to think about) is death? how strange is death and this life? you're born and then you die. we all don't even know what happens when you die (Christians believe if you're good you go to heaven if not then it's hell but how does all that work out? do you really see Peter at the door? do you fly there from your body or do you just appear, one sec u watching tv, next thing you're like wha? peter?). it's like you just cease to exist, like a cockroach that you kill in your house and throw in the incinerator (aka bonfire). A staff member just died this weekend. I liked her. I can't believe she died. And then the VTech people. They wake up, go to French class, and never come out again. My dad who died of cancer which is the LAST THING anyone thought would kill the guy. He liked his beer, i think smoked when he was younger (i never saw him smoke) and that's about it. He was fine one minute and dead the next. Toni Payne's I assume little cousin or nephew of some sort apparently died. And then thinking of that I remember my two cousins that died last year, they were 8 and 10. What's the point? How do you make your life meaningful in this race to the grave?

Ah....i don't mean to depress y'all too I swear!!! Everything is just seeming so random to me right now. Not just death but everything. Random. I told you, existential right? (man, that class fucked me up oh, i won't lie!)

I know what i'm gonna do. I'm gonna do something really crazy and out of this world that the drama of it all will take my mind off all these thoughts! (don't worry y'all nothing morbid in anyway oh!) lol. it'll probably involve a boy.......lol. yes, i'm that girl that read seventeen mag until i was like 21!

Anyway, toodles!