Misery Loves Company

I'm just going to blab on and on here, there's probably not going to be any structure and it's probably going to be all jumbled up but alas.....

I think misery loves company. I think generally people like to see you down, to see you unhappy, to see you unfulfilled, to see you struggling, etc. I think the only people that think otherwise are your friends and family and that is exactly why they're your friends and family. And not even all of them at that.

Why is it that people are threatened by competence? by confidence? by focus?

Once everyone has a scapegoat is it easier to just join the fray and pick that person as a scapegoat as well? Is it very hard to be objective and to give everyone a fair chance? To want this is to want a fairy tale i think. Most people judge you. And they judge you against themselves, what they can achieve and what they haven't, and then they judge YOU against them. That's how they deal internally with their own issues. Get it?

I feel displaced right now. I feel alone on an island that i've worked all my life to build a bridge to. I like my island. I'm satisfied with my island. So why do I still feel bothered by the fact that I'm alone on this island? Hmmm, something to think about.

Well-behaved women never make history they say. Everyone celebrates them but do they ever celebrate themselves? Do they ever feel accomplished? I think of all the women that I admire and none of them are described as....................nice. In fact many a time, people would describe them as............thorny/bitchy, etc. Think about it. So do I then have to be bitchy to be successful as a woman? Can a "nice" woman ever make history? Ever be a rebel-rouser? Ever be a revolutionist? Even be a barrier breaker? Does the ceiling breaker suffer?

I feel at a crossroads of life.

I've realized that my goals are TOUGH goals. I never thought they would be this TOUGH. I never knew what the real sacrifices would be. To be so driven to want to be the best at this young age. I used to cut out pictures and articles of women who were tops in the business world. I used to idolize and dream of being these sorts of women. But behind those smiles and those power suits, are women who have sacrificed things we all consider important. All those women are ready to ruffle some feathers...........but ruffling feathers is not an easy job. Ruffling feathers is not an easy job.

I wish I could be satisfied with not being the best. I wish I could be satisfied with the prospects of not being successful.

But I can't.

I'm driven. It's a fire and I can't help it.

I'm at a crossroads. I have to decide.