I Have So Much On My Mind

Jeez....so much is on my mind this morning I just had to come here and jot some down so I can at least get them off my chest.

The Funmi Iyanda Issue
Please will someone tell me what this woman has done to people to garner so much talk and opinion about her? in the negative way i mean? I can't seem to understand it. Truth be told, I missed the furor that was unleashed (apparently) on Bella Naija's blog but I remember seeing the pictures and just glossing over it. I saw that same dress in This Day style this weekend, and I remember just thinking, "wow, that dress is HOT". For me though, it's like highlighting one thing that bugs me to no end of this our society. I see it everyday, I hear it everyday and it's validated for me everytime I read it in print in our magazines and in our newspapers. Please I would like someone, anyone, to correct me if i'm wrong. This is just my summation, and if anyone sees it any other way, please point me in that direction because this is just not right! What am I talking about? The way women are viewed in this society. The way women are tagged and placed in one square box. The values we are teaching our girls, our daughters, the values that are the norm for women. Women are not to be outspoken, they are not to be expressive, they are not to be too intelligent (at least not more than the men around her), they are not to be too creative, they are dress modestly, speak modestly, do modestly, modest, modest modest.............AAAARGH!!!

Everytime I see it reinforced, I cringe a little but I just shut up and move on, but really inside of me I want to yell ITS NOT OK!!! Imagine a comment i read from the Minister of Women Affairs, it went something like this "No matter what I become, i'm still wife at home and serve my husband" My problem is not with her serving her husband, my problem is what her sentence is implying. Or I was at work and a colleague says "that's not right now, it's like saying a woman should stand in front of her husband". And i'm thinking what the hell? Or some recent comments on the Vagina Monologues show that was put on in Lagos and some women writing in with comments like "vaginas should not be discussed" blah blah blah. Maybe we should all still be calling it "chu-chus" or something equally stunted in growth. Some even complained that why would they call a show "vagina monologues" that the word vagina shouldn't be there...I mean are women really this repressed? I'm wondering how these women feel about being sexual beings when they can't even say vagina?

I think it's very imperative that we start encouraging our young girls to know themselves, to be proud of what and who they are, and to be expressive in a way that's true to themselves. We should teach them confidence and dignity. A professor said something to me once that will always guide me throughout my life, she said "true feminism is not burning bras and breaking ceilings, it's not even about being domestic or timid, it's about having the freedom and right to choose whatever balance of both is right for you". This rant is not about feminism in anyway but it's about the fact that jeez....we should teach other and accept from each other, that as women, we can choose to be WHATEVER WE WANNA BE, and it's ok.

whew...all this from Ms. Iyanda!

Money, Money, Money
This is another issue that has been just bugging me. It's been bugging me since even first year in college.

I have this shirt, it's actually my favorite shirt, and it reads, "I Love Rich Boys". Apart from the fact that people should just lighten up, i have to say I get a lot of comments about it. Comments, and side looks, once even at Tastee's Fried Chicken, I got a man who very disapprovingly shook his head at me. lol. But really what's the fuss? why are people so uptight and so untruthful about money? who cares?!?! I'm someone who really I've gone through all of the spectrums, I know people who are wealthy and in the end there was no benefit to them, they died poor, not moneywise, but life wise. But I also know people who are poor and although they are happy with their loved ones, they are dying of heart disease because they don't have a lot. So what's the fuss? We all die in the end and we don't stand in front of Peter with bling!

I know for me, I pray to be blessed. I'll work my butt off to make sure my family, current and future, don't live hand to mouth. I want them all to live comfortably, even luxuriously. I've seen poverty and no one can romanticize that. This is a goal I have for myself, regardless of who my partner may or may not be. If you're going to be in my life, you have to understand that I'm ambitious, that I want to be successful, hell, that I want to pay off my student loans at a go! lol. Amen. People say what about the guy with the bus pass! well, my answer is I can never be with someone whose ambition is, or who's happy with, his bus pass situation. Never. Ambition is sexy to me!

But seriously though, we all need to lighten up! It's okay to want to be rich. What's bad is if you're driven by money and shortsighted about it, if it rules your life and your principles, if you're mad for it, if it's the devil in your life.

Ok, yes, I talked about it, imagine that!

I Dreamt of Chicken Caesar Salad!

No kidding. And it was one of those dreams that you are having so much fun and you don't want to wake up just yet and when your eyes finally open, you keep blinking them, wishing that reality IS the dream and the dream IS the reality, ya dig? LOL. I mean the thing just looked sooooo good! LOL. My friend was saying that I should ask someone to bring it down for me when they're coming but my question is wouldn't it be soggy?!?! I don't like soggy salad! And then I had this convo with another friend:
ME: i don't know, i think i need a vacation
HIM: where would u go?
ME: america now (duh!)
HIM: You know you can stay in lagos and have a splendid time
ME: u don't understand, i DREAMT of chicken caesar salad yesterday
HIM: what u need is a good meal!!!

LOL. i'm famous for not having food in my house (all you nija male readers/potential admirers, I can actually cook oh!). I just hate cooking for one, I hate food shopping in lagos, and i hate leftover food. so my dilemma is compounded, hence, no food in my house. my kitchen has water, juice, peanut butter, jam, rice krispies, and maybe bread on a good day. I'm sure you guys are starting to understand me now.

Since the day of the dream, I can't get my lunch routine in boston outta my head. I NEED me some signature salad from Cosi (romaine, red grapes, pistachio, gorgonzola cheese and some weird dressing...) but it's good!!! Somebody help me! Before anyone tries to point out (smarty pants!) that I can get caesar salad in Lagos, as easy as it sounds, i challenge the person to find me good caesar salad here, seeing is believing homie! you can hardly find good regular salad around these parts sef......

Ah.......ok, i'm through.

Some of y'all are probably mad at me now that you spent your time reading this stuff and it's only about chicken caesar salad!!! HAHAHA!!!

Dating As Fun!

When I was 19 I dated a guy we'll call Mark. Now for some reason, i'm not really sure of, Mark decided that the best way to woo me was to do these grand gestures, you know, impress me. Mark was an older man, he was a businessman, running his company and having several employees that depended on him. I wouldn't say Mark was wealthy, he was a bit on the fringe, you know, he could afford all these things but not in that nonchalant way really wealthy people do. Anyway, Mark was known for these romantic type gestures, at least grand for a 19 year old!!! LOL. The benefit of hindsight of course shows me it was all BS, lol. He'd come and pick me up under the pretenses of something really mundane and I'd end up walking into a fancy dinner at some cozy restaurant. There was a time we were going somewhere and he said he wanted to stop over at his hotel to pick up his outfit for his friend's bachelor's party only for me to walk into the room, there's a bottle of Dom Perignon chilling in a bucket by the window with a vase of beautiful red roses. Or when he was buying his new property, he took me there and we sat in the garden with some wine and just chatting into the night. See even though the relationship ended really badly (the only one of my exes that I don't speak to), those were things that always stayed with me because it was.....sweet. Coupled with the fact that the man just always told me I was beautiful and handled me with care, yada yada yada.

After Mark, was someone I'd call Oliseh. Now Oliseh had money to throw around so once again, I was out seeing things and doing things that really trips a young girl you know. Enter a store, a bar, anywhere really and clear the place out. I've only seen someone buy the bar out when I was with Oliseh. For some reason as well, Oliseh was out to impress and he did succeed in making me feel......special, i guess. But after Oliseh, things got back to normal and has been ever since. Now why am I remembering all this?!?! (to the koko of the matter...)

Had a fabulous, fabulous, date this past weekend that reminded me of those days that i thought were long gone. I mean there was a point yesterday after I got back that I was actually thinking to myself, did I just dream up this ish? I don't know what will end up of the date, don't know if we'd be together or nothing, but it's just really nice to know that there are still guys out there that know how to do the damn thing!

Anh...anh...how fun!

I've Got A New Attitude

Hello peeps! I'm back. So what's been going on with me lately? I'm a bit busy right now, trying to hustle and make that money. For some reason I always surround myself with these high achievers and then struggle trying to keep up. Not in that bad, "keeping up with the joneses" way, but in that way that you're trying to better yourself because the people you see around you are so inspiring.

One thing's for sure, it's time to make another drastic change. I've accepted that, i'm now just working out the logistics and doing a lot of praying about it. I have so many people around me that are doing so many good things, i really don't have any excuses to sit and wait around where i'm no longer fulfilled or happy. I'm actually excited about it. Oh which reminds me again here, PWEEEEEEEEEEEASE, if anyone knows Olaotan Towry-Coker of What's New magazine, please please, put us in touch with each other. I have some ideas I want to discuss with him. Also trying to get a particular project off ground so y'all should stay tuned! I've also realized that I love working out people's project with them, a sort of consulting. I really enjoy that naturally, so i've been talking with lots of young people, trying to help them, motivate them to realizing their dream. People should watch out oh! The young nigerians I know that are coming back to Lagos are really itching to do it BIG!

ok, what else? For Urhobo Girl who made a comment about who the boy i mentioned in the previous post was and what happened.........first, you like gist and party too much jo! second, what happens in ikoyi stays in ikoyi! hahaha!

Moving on, i've noticed people are writing more about their personal life on their blogs. Oh, I wish I could do the same. The thing is soo convoluted sef. One day is one thing, the other day it's something else. Those of you that read my blog often will know that I've spoken before about some "friend" of mine. I keep going back and forth with the same question, "why are we not together again?" The thing has passed me oh! If he's like, "ok, let's do this", me i'm like "nah, not on your life". when i say "ok, i'm sorta feeling this", he's like "nah, not happening". To tell the truth, I just think this is the right people (he & I) but the wrong time. Which really sucks....