On June 12, 2008, I wrote this post here: Land That I Love.... The irony of the day I wrote this post is not lost to me now (though I didn't think of it then). And why did I write it? It was an opportunity to share with others what America means to me. To share the good parts of America, the hope, the courage, the determination, the goodness, the HEART of the American people, of America. The world's confidence in the country was at an all time low and falling, and it seemed to everyone that the end of it all was finally here. America had finally been broken, the glory was gone. I have NEVER felt this way for good reason and I wanted to share indeed, what was true to me. America is not a superpower because it has money, but because it is determined, because it works hard, because it believes in a better tomorrow, because it has faith in its peoples, because it was founded by people who left their own homes, on the strength of their beliefs. And it is in all that, that no matter whether tomorrow says China, or India, or South Africa, the country will always STAND.
Excuse me if I go on today. If i tend towards the hyperbolic today. Yesterday, i witnessed something great. ONE man, changed the world.
For me it means many things. In my past life I've lived as an African American. I've felt the struggles of our heroes, MLK, Medger Evers, Rosa Parks, Emmett Till. I've been outraged at Amadou Diallo, at Sean Bell just two years ago. I've listened to Billy Holiday's "Strange Fruit", taken exams on the outrage when Teddy Roosevelt invited Booker T. Washington to dine at the White House. I've read on Jim Crow laws, and the law that one american black man was worth just 3/5ths of a white one. What a full circle. I've known civil right fighters locked up and hosed down. Four little black girls killed in Alabama for being black. I read of Sally Hemmings who had children for George Washington, whose children where ignored and denied. 221 YEARS of hope. 221 years of an unbroken spirit. The Lord showed it to Martin Luther King. He dreamt of it. He dreamt and the thousands present at that rally wept at the beauty of that dream. That one day, black boys and black girls would hold hands with their white counterparts, and carry a nation as brothers. 221 years that has been impossible.
I saw it last night.
And what of Barack Obama. A stubborn man. A determined man. A courageous man. Who dared to think the impossible, possible. His message means so much to the world. We are one people, and we too can change the world. No matter who you are, what your circumstances are, it is in you, it is in all of us, to dream, to change our world. What a message.
I think of an African man who left his home like many of our parents, to be denigrated, and from the ashes of all the struggles and sacrifice, his son rises to lead the United States of America. It is even too much to think what this means for even our children.
I think of this new generation. My generation whose time has arrived. This is the leader my generation has chosen. In this circle of life, my generation has said enough to the old and stood up to make their voice ring out throughout the world. It is a new morning really. This morning the baton was passed to this new generation. I too feel empowered and ready to take the stage.
Lastly, and most passionately I think of Nigeria. Change is coming my people. Change is coming. I think of when I moved in 2006. I myself wasn't too clear on why, what, and how but once I started living, I could no longer be confused. Forget every other reason, but when repats move back, they bring back everything good they've learned from elsewhere. They demand for customer service, they demand for respect, they demand modernity, they challenge the status quo, they demand for change. That's the important reason to go back to Nigeria. I think of the strides since then, now in 2008. And even more still, people are coming back home. The whole US election campaign of the president-elect has been based on change. In Nigeria we are so used to people telling us we can't. People believe in so many can'ts. But we can. Truly we can. Even in little strides. In basic challenges, the hope is lighted anew. Are we the ones we've been waiting for? Can we, can all of us effect the change we've been waiting for?
I've heard this morning, that we celebrate the re-birth of idealism, waking up to new possibilities. Change is gonna come.
I've always just said to people, "oh, i get emotional when on my period" or "i'm highly hormonal i think, depending on my cycle". I've noticed "hyper-emotionality" for some time now and really i just thought, well it's just one of those things. The first time I noticed this was back in college. My roommate, her boyfriend, and I were watching the movie Chocolat and throughout to the end of the movie, I was just crying and crying. My roommate was like.....oooookay.....! Even to myself I was wondering why it moved me soo much and the only answer that came to me was that I was on my period so maybe it's the hormones and that was that.
But lately it has gotten worser and worser still. I just noticed that I get seriously depressed, I recoil into myself, i feel overwhelmed and interrupted sleeping patters. I started to worry because it just seemed to envelope me somehow. The last time I wrote about a "dark cloud" was during this period. You just feel hopeless and helpless and continue to sink deeper and deeper still. Last month I realized it was intense and even had suicidal thoughts and that's when it really began to scare me. I could tell it was hormones wrecking a havoc on my mind but you just can't seem to get out of it. It starts maybe a week before your period is supposed to start, but once it does, it just goes away and dissolves. I've been going through this cycle, and I just started to worry myself. What is this thing? It was starting to feel serious and I had to frantically call some friends of mine to talk to them about how I was feeling before sink deeper and deeper.
As I'm writing this, I think I'm writing from just 1hour of sleep overnight. My mind was just rushing here and there and I couldn't get it to just slow down so I could sleep. Yesterday night I just felt so down and unlike myself and then this morning those thoughts came again and I thought....no, this isn't normal. So I get up and google and this is what I've found:
Twenty to fifty percent of women between the ages of 30 to 40 with regular
menstrual cycles experience premenstrual syndrome (PMS) as a regular
physiological occurrence every month. In more severe cases, affecting three to
five percent of menstruating women, this syndrome is labeled as premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) . Patients
with severe PMDD are at risk for developing postpartum depression. Furthermore, women
successfully treated with antidepressants often show
breakthrough symptoms of depression in the premenstrual phase
of their menstrual cycle. All that is needed is a small increase in the dosage
of the antidepressant premenstrually.
Women with PMDD complain of irritability, anger, tension, marked depressed mood, and mood lability (crying spells for no reason, verbal outbursts, or tantrums ) to such a severity that quality of life is seriously compromised. In addition to these symptoms, some women complain of lethargy, sleep disturbance, limited concentration and a host of physical symptoms such as breast tenderness,
headaches, joint and muscle pain, bloating and weight gain.
The primary symptoms that distinguish premenstrual dysphoric disorder from other mood disorders (i.e., major depression) or menstrual conditions is the
onset and duration of PMDD symptoms -- with symptoms appearing during the week or so before and disappearing within a few days after the onset of menses -- and the level by which these symptoms disrupt daily living tasks. (This diminished
level of functioning is generally in great contrast with the same woman's
interactions and abilities at other times during the month.)
The symptoms of PMDD may resemble other conditions or medical problems, such as a thyroid condition, depression, or an anxiety disorder. Consult a physician for
Over the course of a year, during most menstrual cycles, five or more of the following symptoms must be present:
1. depressed mood
2. anger or irritability
3. difficulty in concentrating
4. lack of interest in activities once enjoyed
6. increased appetite
7. insomnia or hypersomnia
8. feeling overwhelmed or out of control
9. other physical symptoms
10. symptoms that disturb social, occupational, or physical functioning
11. symptoms that are not related to, or exaggerated by, another medical condition
What is the Difference Between PMS and PMDD?
The physical symptom list is identical for PMS and PMDD; while the emotional symptoms are similar, they are significantly more serious with PMDD. In PMDD, the criteria focus on the mood rather than the physical symptoms. With PMS, sadness or mild depression is not uncommon. With PMDD, however, significant depression and hopelessness may occur; in extreme cases, women may feel like killing themselves or others. Attributing suicidal or homicidal feelings to “it’s just PMS” is inappropriate; these feelings must be taken as seriously as they are in anyone else and should be promptly brought to the attention of mental health professionals.
Women who have a history of depression are at increased risk for PMDD. Similarly, women who have had PMDD are at increased risk for depression after menopause. In simplest terms, the difference between PMS and PMDD can be likened to the difference between a mild headache and a migraine
This is exactly how it feels! I'm just so glad I googled this. They say to take Vitamin B Complex, Magnesium, and Vitamin C....so I'll be trying that for the next couple of months and let's see. Hopefully this will curb the PMS depressions.
Does anyone else go through this? I just thought it'd be important to post so any others who are out there can acknowledge or take note of this kind of thing so they know how to deal with it.
First guys, I want to thank you guys so much for leaving encouraging comments. I’m not sure you’ll fully understand how much they help me. I appreciate all the love and advice cuz somedays it’s just that much harder to follow through but then I truly wouldn’t want to let any of you down!! So thanks again!
Now I’ve been thinking about some of the lessons I’ve learned so far on this journey. It’s been interesting because it’s not at all what I thought it’d be like. It’s quite a different world, sometimes I feel like I’m living in an undercover world I never get to see while sitting at a desk at your 9-5 job. But anyways, here are some lessons:
- Surprisingly one of the hardest things to get used to is the not waking up in the morning and going to the office. Or sitting in a boardroom in a meeting while someone prepares coffee or something like that. As an entrepreneur, meeting is anywhere, and work is everytime! This is actually VERY challenging for me as I’m always feeling like a slacker. It takes repeating it to myself over and over again like a mantra: “I’m trying to build something here”.
- You do everything, everytime. It sounds clichéd cuz you always hear people say it but you don’t really get it until you have to go meet with client, come back type proposal, develop your ad, give ad material to communication vehicle, go pick your cards from the printer, write contracts, speak with your lawyer, etc. all in a day’s work!
- Entrepreneurship is like school. (school of the hard knocks lol). But really it is like school because you have to know your sh--. You have to know your apples from your bananas and how do you do that? You research and research and research and read and read. Then you have to apply yourself. Except this time your grades are not printed on a paper and handed to you with a pat on the back at the end of the year. You get them in you bank account. A D grade = no money = you’re gonna drop out soon my friend!
- As an entrepreneur you’re constantly thinking in the future, and I think as an employee, you’re constantly thinking in the now. That’s a different orientation that I have to be conscious of changing. As an employee you’re worried about THIS project, and THIS work your boss gave you, and THIS year’s performance review…etc. As a self-employed businessperson you’re thinking, how will what I’m doing now translate 2, 3 years from now?
- I cannot explain the feeling of fulfillment you get when you see your project implemented in the real world. When you see 4 young men, working, making an income because of your project or your brainchild. It is so fulfilling. Yesterday as I was just about to go to sleep, you know that time period where you’re kinda almost dreaming already but you’re kinda awake, it felt like I had a dream where I actually commissioned a market research project and people are actually out there, answering it, and I felt this sense of pride, and then it occurred to me, I wasn’t actually dreaming, it was REALLY happening. The feeling is amazing.
So I think that’s it so far, I really want to take the time and ruminate more but I have so much work to do and on days like this where my focus is 110%, the less distractions the better. But you get my drift.
I know it's hardwork but truly there's money there. But i feel people are more interested in the easy type of money making....the looking for godfathers and godmothers to just rain the money on them...and for that they are willing to go all lengths. Not that I'm condemning that but I'm just not used to that. I'm not used to not believing in things. I'm not used to not believing I can achieve ANYTHING (my last post notwithstanding lol). I'm my own rainmaker dammit!!!! why do I have to move to the whims of some egoistic, small-minded people. To me that always limits your achievements.
Aaargh, i'm just frustrated.
I hate Lagos sometimes. I hate Nigeria sometimes.
Just open your minds............jeeeeeez! be creative and work!
I don't care who your father is.
I don't care if Puff Daddy has done that project before. (not the case here lol)
I don't care if I have to go and suck Fashola's middle toe.
I don't care if it's never been done before.
I just really believe that the great ones, the truly inspiring ones are the ones that write their own rules.
I WILL BE MY OWN RAINMAKER BABY!!!
I can try and grab the bible and inject myself with a dose of faith and spirituality and God. Everything will be okay, God has ordained it so.
Or I can try clicking refresh on facebook several times willing it, God, willing it to just show something new that would take my mind of that....that cloud.
I can submit to it and go fully into depression mode.
How did I get here? (situation, not existence!)
Where am I going?
Is this the right decision?
Why Do I feel so out of water?
Am I just being lazy and not looking for a proper job or do I really believe in what I'm doing?
It's so intangible. Belief. How can I quantify it to anyone in explanation. Okay, I can have a job for Nx million or I have this belief that this is where i should go. Although right this minute it's more expenditure than income. This minute.
It's not the job alone though. In my relationships, I feel like I may not be saying the right things to the right people the right way. Nothing is structured with emotions flying here there and everywhere. I'm the one who has walked away from those who loved her, loved those who did not love her and could not love those that did. Confused?
Truly though, I feel like these are just demons, you know. Fighting these demons that's in my head, in my mind, in mind blood, telling me I cannot and will not achieve the things I want most to achieve. They are not real. I know. It's my fear. I know. But my fears are taking on lives of their own, pulling up cushions and lodging themselves in my consciousness. Why is this so important to me anyway?
This fish is out of its fishbowl. I'm feeling a bit of fish outta the water. Me. The accidental entrepreneur.
I never wanted to be an entrepreneur. Ever since I was little and decided I wanted to be a bigshot power business executive, I always dreamt of the top floor, corner office, wielding and dealing, but never wanted that top floor to be of my own building! In fact I used to always say while I was in college, "I'm not an entrepreneur", so I never took any of those classes. Nope. My dream was Fortune 500. Now look at me. The accidental entrepreneur.
I'm just following the flow. Going wherever my feet is taking me and whatever seems to be the next logical step. Foot forward. But there's so much instability EVERYWHERE. I think it could kill me.
I've been having panic attacks for the last 3 weeks and I'm afraid to face the fact that I know why. That I'm constantly checking, where is my paycheck gonna come from? And then I muster up some faith and stubborness, then pick up a bible......
Something in me tells me, this is a growth period for me. It doesn't make it any less difficult. A line from one my favorite movies (Evita) says "sometimes it's difficult to keep momentum when it is you that you are following."
So I'm testifying here with this post. It is difficult to follow yourself, your heart.
He who has ears, let him hear.
- I don't go to church enough. I need to go more. My spiritual well-being is rooted in me going to church. I hate this feeling when I slip and I know I'm not where I should be.
- why o why do pentecostal churches in nigeria feel that it's okay not only NOT TO HAVE soundproof walls, but to go the extra measure and conduct the full service with loud speakers? WHY WHY WHY???? what exactly is the rationale and who are the dunces that go there and can't speak up to say look....this is wrong. What part of Christianity says disturb your neighbours, interrupt the peace and tranquility and more flock will come to you? I missed that part.....if you want to evangelize, abeg do it the old fashion way, pick up your birkenstocks and waka, abi? I mean what's the point? to reach those (like me) to lazy to get their big butts up? or to reach those lost souls??? either way, is loudspeakering the message the best way to do so??? methinks it's the lazy way....
My vacay break has been good thus far jare. At one point though, maybe today, I'll have to sit down and re-evaluate my plan for my business (marketing consulting - shameless plug, sue me!). I've finally gotten what we all say we never have - enough time - so i have to do this the proper way. the last two days have just been haphazard but we have to get down to bi'ness soon. I'm so excited at the prospect of working on my own and so proud of myself that yet again, I've crossed a border where FEAR resides for most people and I'm gonna conquer it. After, I'll have such a story to tell...........my motto this year is "Leave it to me and I'll be living proof". This motto means so much to me. One of my constant objectives in life is to push through the walls and ceilings we all build around ourselves, our lives, to show that really and truly, nothing is impossible. Our mind is the only barrier.
If you say, "how i wish I could....." I say why not? go out and do it! the world won't fall. Trust me. We all must conquer fear. That's the only thing that separates you from the life of your dreams.
Now ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, i don't usually give life advices (my rant up there notwithstanding) but please I have a golden nugget of truth to share with you this morring. He who has ears let him ear o...ehen:
No matter how rich you are, no matter how powerful you are, no matter how influential you are, there are two things you should NEVER, EVER buy the following two things...
These two things are free. As free as the air you breathe in, i would even say freer. Let me explain myself. It's simply a bad investment. If what you want is sex, ecstasy, orgasm, cuddling, kisses, etc, trust me when i say there are many folks out there who would give you all of that, free of charge so why pay? Even worse, the person you're paying knows this fact, and knows that this is just an awoof opportunity, so they try to milk you dry before you realize you just paid for something you coulda had for free. Now if what you want is LOVE, you should realize that if that other person truly truly loved you, the kind of love that you romanticize and therefore want to pay for, if they really loved you like that, they'd do it for FREE. you don't even have to be or do anything but be yourself. In fact, they will cling to you as you would be their very breathe, the person would wake in the morning and think of you first thing and want to be with you. That's love my dears, and it's absolutely free.
So don't get suckered. Remember, i didn't say money/influence/power CAN'T buy you love, it probably can, but why buy something that's free?
I've seen too many people (and i'm watching one unfold right underneath my eyes...) that sweat and huff and puff with so much effort to pay for someone's love and affection and at the same time, that person is giving it for free to someone else. Be Careful.
Last but not least.....preparations are under way.....finally the most anticipated Nigerian album is about to be launched.......what am i talking 'bout???
The One, The Only, African Micheal Jackson, Koko-Master himself, THE ENTERTAINER.............
and who's gonna be all up in that ish?????? yerp (that's phonee for yep), ME!!!! Really I don't even know what to wear for this ish o, but i know i want to look HOT! I took my dress to the tailors yesterday but i don't know......i think i want to buy a back up dress too, just in case.....LOL! But this thing is gonna be hot sha....for sure I'll bring pics and FO SHO the Unrulies will be well represented.........
KIMON! LET'S GO..........WA GBA!
Grandparents are special! kinda magical even. They usually play such a key role in our childhoods and many of us remember them so fondly as adults. Many have stories of hidden stashes of sweets or biscuits their grandparent used to clandestinely give to them when parents weren't watching, or just generally remember jolly old "father and mother christmas-y" kinda figures. Like I said I don't have any living grandparents anymore (and 1 less parent, aren't u sad for me?) but I remember most of them very well. They say we live on through the eyes of our children so I guess through honoring them here, they live on.
My dad's father we called Granddad. He died in 1984 when I was just a wee lil lass. He's the one I have the least memories of but he arguably has the most impact on my life now out of all four. Granddad to me was a larger than life figure. Apparently when he was young he trekked from his hometown, Isara in Ogun State to Lagos state ON FOOT to come and do some real Lagos hustlin'...u know, that kin ting now. Anyhoo, I'm foggy on all the details but he ends up being a big distributor and invests in stock market and real estate and all of that. So he's successful sha.
Granddad also had 4 wives and 14 kids, just 3 of them are girls so you can imagine a house full of rambuctious kids and apparently Granddad acted accordingly in order to deal with all these gende (men) in the house. Gist was he was quite clever and hmmm..........prudent with his money. You had to have a DAMN good reason to get money outta him, ESPECIALLY if he hasn't explicitly approved of whatever it is you're doing in your life, in all aspects of your life. LOL. So if he tells you not to marry someone and you do and he finds out, kai! no more money. for NATHING. lol. He was also apparently stubborn (now u know where I gots it from). But he was known for being a family man, as in when he was alive, he held everyone together and everyone behaved. My sis has memories of him telling her to come and she'd jump on his lap and he would call her his mother (my sis is Yetunde meaning mother comes back) etc. All my older cousins also have fun memories of hanging out with Granddad. He also apparently was fond of my mom and was very happy my Dad married her (my Dad was a rascal o! lol).
My Granddad is the one i think I feel his spirit around me the most. I always feel he's watching over me and proud of me somehow...i don't know, i've always felt that since I was little. Especially when I need courage to do something, to move to nigeria, to run my company full time, I always always feel "well, my granddad did it, so it's in me and i'm gonna make it".
Mama Bishop is my Dad's mom and my Dad was kinda her favorite child. She was the first wife of Granddad and had SEVEN of his 14 kids!!!! so she was the queen bee in that household! She's was also somewhat of a Queen B--- oops.....okay okay, but she kinda was o! lol. So maybe that's where I got THAT side from LOL. Mama as she was fondly called got married to Granddad when she was just 15! so for me when I think of that I excuse a lot of the things she did and said because me i'm a woman too, and if my husband married 3 other wives apart from me and we were all living in the same household and I was 15 when I married the mofo, and essentially illiterate, then I might have done some of that ish too! Lots of stories are bound about Mama which for the sake of not tainting my own good name, i'll leave out from this blog...lol....suffice to say she was B-A-D sha and most of it i think were just rumours sha..lol. Mama wasn't very fond of my own mama and those stories are also abound....
Apparently I look like Mama Bishop and she luuuuurved ME. lol. She used to call me Ibeji Mi (My Twin). The birthday party her kids threw for her, was it in 1992?!??? was and is still one of the significant events of my childhood. We shut down Bishop street and everyone boogied and partied and bulls...... lol. I just remember that the whole family had been preparing for this parry for a long, long time and all the grandkids wore the same outfit, and at the parry, the band was playing all kinds of grooves, played shina peters grooves and u know now...............................DANCING COMPETITION!!!! lol. That was a fun day! I also remember that Mama used to always kill a cow or goat or whatever during christmas and Ileya (Eid el Fitri i think) and her place was THE place to be! My last memory of Mama was the day before the entire family moved to Canada and we spent almost the entire day in Bishop (bishop street is the street she lived on in surulere). In the afternoon, Mama insisted on going into her room to get a picture of herself and gave it to my sister. She was crying and wiping her eye and was like "Am I ever going to see you kids again? Will I ever see you kids again in my life?". Even though I was little and didn't really get the emotion, I remember just being sad then. She never did see us again.
Grandma was my Mom's mother. I have to say she's the one I have the least....connection to. I just remember her being a gentle spirit, a gentle soul. But we didn't really see her that much cuz my Mom's parents lived in Ibadan though they were very much a part of our lives. Maybe much of this is because my own Mom and Grandma were never too too tight so it's possible it translated on to us. Grandma was apparently a disciplinarian and strict too! She was extremely protective of her daughters I think cuz my Mom always complained that she was never allowed to do the things her twin brother did. There are certain sayings and Yoruba proverbs that my Mom says a lot and has passed on to us that I know where from Grandma. She was just that kind of woman, very upstanding, very traditional. One thing that is interesting is that she got married late (mid to late twenties i think which is old for her generation) and to a man who was 10 years her senior! I think she was the original independent woman jo! She and her husband ran many businesses but mostly, she kept a clothes store in Dugbe and my Mom has fond memories of the Dugbe Market days. I never saw the store sha, that era ended before me!
I think I've left the absolute best for last!!! Grandpa is my mother's father. I LOVE Grandpa. I always say this: the best man I've ever known is my grandpa. He was just phenomenal, kind hearted, gentle, wise, funny, intelligent, intellectual, open minded, generous, caring, God-fearing, faithful, everything good in the world sha, my grandpa was. My Mom LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVED her father so much and they were very close, he in turn absolutely adored her. There's a family pic of my mom's when they were all little and while everyone was standing upright, my mom was leaning on her father's leg, looking so contented. My Mom called her father unfailingly every Sunday....we always knew whenever we heard "Papa Mi....Papa Mi.." that it was that time again lol. They loved each other and my Mom lost her father just 4months after losing her husband so you can imagine how tough.
Grandpa was born 1910, can u imagine! He was the first son of a royal family of Odogbolu (Moloda) and was next in line but rejected the crown because of his religious beliefs. While i'm not particularly sure exactly what Grandpa trained as, I think it had something to do with Agriculture cuz he worked at the Agric Ministry for a looong time, he also owned a bakery for a loooong time, lol. He was also the first person to have a car in the town they lived in at the time so you know.....he was happening now, lol. Grandpa converted to Christianity and joined the Cherubim & Seraphim (C&S, Kerubu ati Serafu, K&S) Church and by the time of his death he was the Supreme Head of C&S Churches in Nigeria and Worldwide....meaning he was like Pastor Adeboye, but for C&S....kinda.
I was always close to sha and again, maybe because of my Mom's relationship with him I always thought he was the most fabulous thing after sliced bread. Grandpa remembered EVERY SINGLE THING you ever tell him, and he'll ask you about it later, so if you said "Oh I joined the choir grandpa" whenever you talk to him he'll ask you about it which always made you feel connected to the guy cuz he always remembered. Also he was very patridge-y/cosby-ish so he was always happy with like cousins singing group, and grandkids association, etc. To say he was the patriach of the Osinowo family would be a gross understatement! He was like the don everyone respected and deferred to and everything. The pillar of strength for all those around him. A fountain of wisdom, love, and advice. He and his wife were married for 50 odd years and my sis said at grandma's funeral, he just sat there looking forlorn and lost and the next morning when she went to wake him up, he was curled up on HIS side of the bed while the other side (Grandma's side) was still neat and fresh. He was sad he had lost his partner of so many years.
Grandpa knew everything o! and could read and read and read. He kept diaries since he was like young, wrote his family history, translated the C&S english hymnal to yoruba at like 80! The last time I saw him, he was like 90 and still had a mountain of books on his bed that he was currently reading. When we moved to Canada, I decided I was going to write him letters periodically and tell him how everyone was doing which I continued even till 2003/04. Grandpa cherished those letters and in 2004 when I saw he practically asked me about all those things I was writing!!! He was even asking my siblings questions about them and they were shocked, not knowing I had gisted him jo! lol. He was asking me about Quebec and whether I learnt French there since he always wanted to go there.....this is from a 90 year old man o! lol. I loved him so. Because of him I can never think all men are bad, or all people are bad or any of those kinds of thinkings we get from time to time, cuz I always remember my Grandpa was a good guy. A genuinely good human being. Because of him I will always feel connected to Odogbolu because it meant so much to him that we all remember where we came from.
Whew! There you have it - My Peeps! the ones whom I stand on their shoulders. Maybe one day my own grandkid would write something like this about me in the space blog or something that they'd have then...lol!
Heard a song today that just took me back. The song touched my soul o, kai! I used to LOOOOOVE this song. I would just put the cd in my discman after work in Boston, then trek the 15min to South Station to take the 6 Train home (to B-ROCK!) along with my fellow captives of the concrete jungle that is the Financial District, with power suit, pearls and Nike sneakers! lol. Anyhoo....whenever this particular song would come on, i'd just get lost in it, in the emotions, in the words, and it would seem that I was floating towards the train station with no cares in mind.
So I haven't listened to that song in forever! Maybe about 3 years? so imagine me randomly going through blogworld and as the page is loading, the song just comes on unexpectedly....immediately it just went straight to my soul. straight. It's weird how that happens and I knew I would try and blog about the feeling because it was so real. Like if you remember the song that was playing when you got your first kiss and the song took away every emotion of the moment and kept it so that everytime it played the harmonies paint the emotions exactly.
Now what was this song??? just guess now................okay. okay. John Legend "So High"....of course! :o) Sometimes you don't know how deep a song is until you try to sing it and sing it with all the emotions of the singer and you realize you have to dig really dip to be able to match the tone. So High is that kind of a song. And then it brought all these feelings like:
"Why have I given up on love?"
The song sounds like a sweet song from another island to me, like a familiar but distant song. That made me sad. I've felt that kind of strong emotion and pull to someone before and I so badly want to feel that way again or want to believe I can feel that way again. That kind of exhilaration or to be so completely enamored by someone, to be so completely lost in someone. To look into someone's face and feel lust, and love, and admiration, and respect, and partnership, and safety, and joy ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Love is truly marvelous and I miss it.
Notice I didn't say relationship. I said love. Some would read this and say oh, Lola's talking about wanting a guy, but no, it's not about that. I can live 1000 years without a "relationship" but I can't live 10 years without love.
I'm hurt that everything makes perfect sense in your world
I'm hurt the way you look at her, and glance at her
I'm hurt that I sold myself out
I'm hurt that it's all so easy to you, I'm so easy to you
I'm hurt that you. just. let me go.
okay had to get that out! I think i've been selling my readers out for a bit. This blog was supposed to be as honest as possible as regards my experiences and sharing them with you guys but the truth is instead of writing from my heart and just putting it down, i start from who might be reading and then try and write something appropriate. But i'm not doing that anymore. My blog is my blog dammit! lol.
My name is Lola and this is MY blog! wooooosaah!
So moving on....
UBP 0608 was a blast!!!!!! I love my bros and sis(s) i.e the UnRuLies sooo much. There was plenty food, plenty drink, and a beautiful beautiful beach house. We left from Ikoyi Boat Club to Ilashe Island which took like 25-30min! I think we did well with the scheduling and all even though in the morning the boat drivers were like running kabu kabu with our boats or something sheesh! The last boat got back to the boat club around 730-ish which was still alright....but no incidents whatsoever thank God! I've heard of some other folks who were getting beaten by snakes and boats capsizing and all that ish...............
Anyhoo, thanks to the lucky 30! I was so knackered and hum............."high" enh, Monday morning at the office was killer! I had to actually go a 30min ride away to get a medium cup of Latte (since that was the only place around that sold the gaddamn thing!). My colleagues just didn't get the whole coffee/latte thing they were like "ehn so just buy Nescafe 3-in-1 now abi kini big deal?".........lol. For all of y'all that don't know 3-in-1 tastes like water with two granules of coffee. blah!
Ooooh, I don't know if many of you (3) readers are aware but I no longer work at Cadbury Nigeria Plc. I've complained so many times on here about all the goings on and I just finally decided I didn't want anymore. So now I work at a new mystery company. Everything is grand BUT...............
The love of my life, my baby, my pride, BRENTT sits cooing beautiful, melodic sounds in my ear, drawing me to roll over to his side. I think I may. You may be wondering what/who BRENTT is but don't fret. I will do a proper introduction soon. I love BRENTT though and can't wait to drop everything and run to him/her/it.
Relationships are still complicated. Sometimes I just want to close my eyes for 10 seconds, open them, look to my left and see this gorgeous chocolate man who loves me and is dedicated and committed to me and whom I love so much it hurts to the pit of my soul. I don't want to do the work of getting to this point however. All that relationship bruhaha, i don't want to do it. Just wake up and it's there.
Bastard (of other posts fame) is communicating again. I wonder what the hell for. I mean even a vulture would sha fly away leaving the carcass abi? Bastard wants to watch the carcass disintegrate as well. anh anh..............why call me? Meanwhile he doesn't know I know ALL his shit, someone better tell him o! talking 'bout "what did i do to upset you so much?" Sheeesh!
Why did I title this post "You Want A Piece of Me"? I've got Britney's song in my head and it just seems so appropriate to how I'm feeling right now about everything, especially work!
Many people love to hate on America. It's the big white giant elephant in the room that everyone can just target for fun. I mean George Bush jokes are quite international. No one will argue with you if you say things like: "Damned Americans", "American's are so dumb", etc. Most will agree, laugh and move on.
But I'm always sensitive to all that kinda talk. I LOVE America. I'm sorry but I do. I love America and all it stands for. A lot of those things are the things I stand for. I don't know where to start but let me start with these.....
God Bless America,
Land that I love.
Stand beside her, and guide her
Thru the night with a light from above.
From the mountains, to the prairies,
To the oceans, white with foam
God bless America, My home sweet home.
oooh, here's another one:
O beautiful, for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!
America! America! God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood, from sea to shining sea.
O beautiful, for pilgrim feet
Whose stern, impassioned stress
A thoroughfare for freedom beat
Across the wilderness!
America! America! God mend thine ev'ry flaw;
Confirm thy soul in self control, thy liberty in law!
O beautiful, for heroes proved
In liberating strife,
Who more than self their country loved
And mercy more than life!
America! America! May God thy gold refine,
'Til all success be nobleness, and ev'ry gain divine!
O beautiful, for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years,
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America! God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood, from sea to shining sea!
I can also quote the Star Spangled Banner, but I won't (yet anyway, no promises!) but let's take a look at the Pledge of Allegiance, which I had to recite in my school every morning in home room, standing up and facing the flag:
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
The Pledge of Allegiance was amended in 1954 and here's what the convincing argument was for amending it:
These words...will remind Americans that despite our great physical strength we must remain humble. They will help us to keep constantly in our minds and hearts the spiritual and moral principles which alone give dignity to man, and upon which our way of life is founded.
Some people reading this are wandering...........ehn ehn so what? I'm only going this far because many people don't know the context in which the average American live. In high school i HAD to take US History in Grade 11, it was compulsory for graduating. They read all these things, they imbibe it all. These words are not just history, they are lived, sometimes on a daily basis and mean soooo much to the average American. These are good principles. Patriotism, Equality, Liberty, Justice, "Pursuit of happiness", Entrepreneurship, Freedom, Human Rights, Constitutitional Rights, Democracy, and so on and so forth. I'm not saying that they do all these things perfectly oh, but no one can argue that these concepts are ones that America is pre-occupied with and grapple constantly with, they are at the forefronts of these discourses. Which is more than can be said for the majority of countries anywhere.
I always say they are many bad apples in the US but all you need is one good apple, and that ONE good apple can change the lot. Not only that but you can almost always bank on the fact that there WILL be one good apple amongst the bunch. That's what America means to me.
People think of America as this homogenous land but it's not. Someone in Boston can be so different from someone in Ohio, so different to a Texan, so different to a Californian, so different from someone from Utah. As in VEEERY different oh. They don't all think alike and feel the same way.
Me I love the country sha. The land of Starbucks, and MTV, and ObamaRama, and........
PS - no one should come to me and tell me I should be writing about Nigeria and all that junk. I'm not small-minded or close-minded enough to only love one country and blind myself to all others. I love Nigeria, Canada, and US all equally. SUE ME THEN.
Here are the rules:
1.link the person who tagged you: Ms. Minx
2. Mention the rules in your blog…
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours...
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them…
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged...
- I don't like going out at night when there's a full moon. I don't know i'm just superstitious like that. All the times i've been robbed in Lagos, it's been a full moon.....coincidence? I think not! There has to be something behind the folklore now, there's never smoke without fire methinks!
- I keep in touch with everybody FOREVER! lol. If i've met you, and i still have your phone number, chances are that I'll call u up sometime, even if it's like 4 years later! In fact, I just got off the phone with someone I haven't seen in like 4 years, who lives half the world away, and whose life has changed so much from when I knew him that if we were to actually sit face to face we might not recognize each other, but hey....at least we're "keeping in touch". I just don't like to ever loose a friend.
- Inside my heart somewhere, I believe that the Yahoo Horoscopes are true....lol! I mean how can it be sooo right most of the time I check it? I read the daily horoscope, then the weekly one, then the monthly one, then the yearly one. I read the yearly one several times during the year just to check up on how it's shaping up so far. I don't go reading the daily one every day, maybe once or twice a month but still....i'm always up on it o!
- My name is Lola and I have a slight obsession with Beyonce. there, i finally admit it ok? jeez. Yes I go to BeyonceWorld and quite often too. I check up on the pics, see which magazines she's in, read the articles...blah blah blah. okay? Sometimes I think how can a girl be living such a great life and everything just.....works out? Not Fair :o(
- I love eggs. Eggs are my favorite food. Any which way, scrambled, fried, omelette, sunny side up, poached, boiled, scotch eggs.....anything. When I was in college I used to have just scrambled eggs -no salt, black pepper, and american cheese...yum! - and orange juice for breakfast pretty much every morning. No bread, no croissant or anything to go with the eggs o, just eggs. Sometimes i'd have it for dinner too.....
- I dance in the house, when no one's home. I can just feel like letting loose or not thinking about anything, get home, turn on the music really loud - usually beyonce of course - sing along at the top of my voice and just dance. This can actually go on for hours. In my head i'll think up different scenarios like i'm in a club, or i'm singing at a show or something, and then just go.
whew! good thing to stop here before i delve deeper into weirdness....lol!
Just some words today my pretties. Does He Know is actually dear to me and this post started with me wanting to share it but then i wanted to share another and another. Enjoy and let me know what you think!
Does He Know
he walks in a certain way
moves to a certain groove
his language speaks to me in a way i cannot say
and when he speaks i drown in his words
travelling the world in a second as he talks
i wonder is he feeling me like i feel
how long is it gonna take for him to see....
he's funny in a smart way
smart in a funny way
he doesn't know at night how i yearn for him
and when he speaks his eyes just light up
oh i can't say enough of how my heart jumps
i wonder is he feeling me like i feel
how long is it gonna take for him to see....
I imagine a beat playing
More like a theme song
Maybe the guitar riffs of Shaft
A confident swagger, slow stepping
He ain’t hearing the music
But he knows the rhythm well
Keep your eye on his steady feet
For his eyes, they mesmerize
And all he touches he tames
To the unknowing, the beat takes sway
Once more he has his way
I release you to the wind so you can
Maybe reach a destination
Maybe ease a frustration
All the good you did to me
You can bring to them
As they hold hands
And they walk to a rhythm
Or maybe he’s on his knees
Hands shaking at those rings
Or she’s left alone wandering
Never knowing really
If the love we felt was that strong
Then I will command it hold on
And even if it’s not us two
May it keep floating to the right two
I remember the day I fell in love with him. We were hanging out as usual at our usual meeting spot, and I guess both of us didn't really want to leave. So we kept talking and talking knowing full well that the later it got, the higher the chance that I'd have to stay somewhere on the Island. After a little while I leaned over and asked him, "can I stay over yours?" and he answered that yes it was fine. We continued talking but inside of me I was already filling up with anxiety and expectation and slight fear. I had never even suggested staying at his place the numerous times we've hung out late into the night (or late in Lagos terms as in crossing third mainland at night is not something one should get used to..) let alone stayed there so this was going to be something new. Even though there had been tension in our friendship so far, we hadn't crossed any of those kinds of lines yet. Maybe? Maybe not......
So we get to his place in Ikoyi, and since he was moving the apartment was really a ghost of an apartment with nothing much left in it but memories. We settled down, got to talking and soon he just drifted off to sleep but I was wide awake. Mostly because the radio was on and I can never sleep with the radio on, but also cuz there was this man I admired so much, whom inspired me so much, sleeping next to me in his boxers and his tattoo. So I just lay there and let my thoughts drift over the sound of the radio. That's when Robin Thicke's song came on, "lost without youuuu...can't help myself.....how does it feel........." and I became lost in those words, and in that moment, I gave in. I gave in to all the emotions.
Morning came. I barely slept really and mentioned that when he woke up and he nodded his head saying he kinda noticed. So we left it at that. He got up and asked what I wanted to eat, boasting that he cooks the best breakfast so I said to show me. We moved to the kitchen, which of course had a makeshift, just run through quality about it, no gas no stove. So he went to the balcony, lit the firewood there, and put the pan on. As the radio blared on in the kitchen, we diced and passed this and that, while the pan sizzled. Robin Thicke comes on the radio...."lost without you....can't help myself..." We both don't say anything just started singing along. I felt content in that moment and thought back to my surrender to this man under the influence of the same song in the dead of the night. I loved him then. But I couldn't say so, just joked about the caveman romance of the moment, he making sure I ate even if frying eggs by firewood in the early morning.
We went into his room and ate and talked. Just talked and morning lazied into afternoon and I didn't want to go. I knew I would have to but I knew I didn't want to. I could spend many more nights and days with this man. As I walked out the door that afternoon, I took a look back at the abandoned apartment where love grew. Just then he shut the door and we both walked away.
This mysterious "he" may read this blog and recognize the story and you know what, it's okay. That was a while ago and sometimes these things just happen!
Royal Oak Offshore Lady Alinghi Chronograph
Just from the name sef you go know say too much efeezy meeeehn! I love this watch o! I've liked Audemars Piguet watches since my days in Ottawa, and then of course strolling down Copley Plaza in downtown Boston. Anyhoo, this baby will only set me back about $24,000! Not too much abi? LOL! but 'is beaurriful non?
Let’s face it, we’re all curious human beings subjected to the whims of our natural hormones and composition. Certainly by 12 years old we are growing into our bodies, noticing the changes and the reasons for the changes, being aware of ourselves as sexual beings. Curiosity sets in at this age and is even aided along by what we see or read or witness in our peer groups (and I’m not just talking of tv and magazines but of real life). There’s no way you can show me a 12 year old who is not aware of sex and trying to figure out what role it plays or perhaps will play in their lives as an adult being. Now I truly believe that proper sex ed helps to vent these emerging curiosities and help to provide the necessary tools to have an healthy attitude towards it and make the right, informed decisions.
Proper sex ed first and foremost validates the particular pubescent stage in that teenager’s life. It’s about saying, ok, there are certain things happening within and without your body right now, but it’s okay, it’s absolutely normal, and here are the tools to help you cope with it. Then it’s explaining exactly what to expect in physical terms (as plainly as possible in proper medical terms) and teaching how to know and respect your body. It’s also about educating on the whole range of options available to you in many different scenarios and how to go about, confidently, picking the right option. Many people think that sex ed opens up a Pandora’s box so to speak, but I’d rather believe that it is equipping young adults to deal with the contents of the so called Pandora’s box, because believe me it’s opening up at some point and they’re gonna have to deal with it. It’s also important to note that a proper sex ed program must and should always emphasize the benefits of abstinence. Every person, young or old, must know that your sexuality is your own, and whether you’re “active” or not is a decision YOU should actively make.
In this our world, sex ed is also about educating young ones that sex is not just about climax, or doing something “bad”, or satisfying a curiosity, or peer pressure, or anything like that. It’s about entering the world of unwanted pregnancies, of sexually transmitted diseases, of HIV/AIDs. I’m always, always amazed how little people, grown adults know about STDs and I always find myself asking, if you don’t the difference between Chlamydia, or syphilis, or what it looks like, or how it behaves how can you consciously protect yourself? Truly if your partner doesn’t tell you they have Chlamydia how would you know??? Can you recognize herpes? Do you know you can actually still contract herpes even with a condom??? It’s frightening that most people don’t know these things. A recent survey found that 1 out of every 5 young girls in high school in the US has an STD. 1 in 5!!!! And that’s in America, imagine Nigeria where promiscuity is actually rampant and to some extent accepted from aristo-carrying university students, to polygamy, to accepted infidelity, the circle is endless. I remember a married man having a conversation with my male friend and I, rushing off to go and meet 3 different girls in some hotel room and being quiet excited about it. As they say when you sleep with a partner you’re also sleeping with ALL of that person’s partners, I thought about this and thought of the man’s wife and the pool of possible sexual diseases this man can carry home……..truly frightening especially when you think this is a country where condom-wearing is not the norm. If anything I encourage everyone reading this to just get to know about STDs, then you’ll know how to protect yourself and save us all really! A good sex ed program teaches all these things at the onset of sexual curiosity and activeness.
Anyway, I can write all day on this topic as I’m truly very passionate about it but what I truly want to get through is the importance of a proper attitude and knowledge of these matters instead of taboo-ing it. Knowledge is power in every facet of life and still applies in this case.
Anyhoo, read up and enjoy!
I’m inspired by every Unruly. Out there in the world. Hustling. Trying to make a dollar outta some cents and doing so unapologetically. We want to change the world. We want to make our world. Every Unruly aspires to be the best. Every Unruly wants to inspire.
They say people come into your lives for different reasons. To teach different lessons. They may not necessarily stay but their mark will be made. It is one of the things I know for sure, it’s one of the things I embrace. The Unrulies may create this bond of friendship, or we may drift apart, or simply grow into whatever our destinies entail. Even that I embrace. People come into our lives for different reasons, I’m glad they came into mine.
First I’m very disappointed that these guys are tribalists and they’ve let their real selves be shown. What a limiting way to view the world and to view your achievements. We are supposed to be the new generation who doesn’t think like our parents and who believe in one Nigeria while still taking pride in our roots and culture. What is a Yoruba Hip Hop World Awards anyway??? Did he feel stupid saying that? I mean if it were a fuji awards ceremony I’d say okay, maybe, but Hip Hop? I feel idiotic even considering his words I can only imagine how he felt thinking it. I always marvel at how people come up with these ideas as if all Yoruba people got together under some sort of conspiracy to rob PSquare of awards. Pleeease, get over it. I would feel insulted if I didn’t first feel ashamed for these guys.
Second, let’s even take a look at the category that’s causing all the confusion. Best Music Video. For some reason PSquare reasons that because they spent all their savings to go to South Africa to shoot their video in 35mm then that automatically makes their video the baddest video in the land. Even to the extent of calling Jimmy Jatt’s video Stylee “trash”…..trash? I know many people have varying opinions of who they thought shoulda won the award but I actually truly liked Stylee and voted for it to win and all we need are just a few more people that think just like me. Presto! I’d like to think that my opinions are valid too abi? I saw both videos and the Do Me video actually made me NOT like that song. I had bought the cd and liked the song beforehand but when I saw the video, I was less than entertained, I was bored. Is it because you have oyinbo girls in it gyrating in a non-talented manner or the belly dancers? Or the chain of uninspired mono dance moves the guys were exhibiting? I’d pick TY Bello’s Greenland or Asa’s Fire on the Mountain over it ANYDAY, talk less of Stylee. I mean Psquare just had no prayer. They should also get over this and actually conceptualize next time.
Thirdly, Peter and Paul won 5 freaking awards last year! I don’t get it. Was it the Igbo Hip Hop World Awards last year cuz I missed that. They didn’t complain o! These guys are arrogant, petty, short-sighted, sore losers. Bad. Bad. Bad. More so, I was reading the This Day article by Ayeni Adekunle (which actually inspired this post) and I noticed that a pattern with PSquare was evident. A pattern of being sore losers, a pattern of arrogance without merit. They complained about not winning the MOBO, they complained about not winning the MTV EMA, they complained about not winning HHWA. Indeed like Ayeni said they need to learn graciousness and humility but I’m afraid with former fans like myself, it’s a little too late. They should go and cue up in the hot sun with the thousands of their mates for a gmat test for that Oceanic job and take that time to think of what a priviledge it is to be doing what you love to do and making money at it. How many of those guys cueing would love to be dancing to sampled old tracks and getting paid for it………..shame!
HHWA Winners List 2008
Album of The Year – Asa
Artiste of the Year – Dbanj
Song of the Year – Yahoozee
Recording of the Year – Bibanke (Asa)
Best Music Video – DJ T (Stylee)
Best R&B/Pop Album – Grass to Grace
Best Rap Album – Ruggedy Baba
Best Dancehall – True Story (Timaya)
HHW Revelation – 9ice
HHW Next Rated – Wande Coal
Best Vocal Performance Male – 9ice
Best Vocal Performance Female - Asa
Best Rap Single – MI
Lyricist on The Roll – ModeNine
Best African Act – Batman (Ghana)
Best Collabo – Stylee
Producer of the Year – Cobhams Asuquo
How sad that was but it’s something I understand all too well. No, I don’t have that sort of fairy tale view of love because I know how tough and confusing and complicated true love is. A secret I carry with me and I suspect will carry with me every day of my life until the last is that I have loved deeply and have been loved deeply yet we two are not together. He is the closest person to me right now. I don’t know how to explain it or put into words but to accept it and not question it. One of the reasons Charles and Camilla’s story really resonates with me is that I can understand how a love endures when seemingly it shouldn’t have. The one lesson I know of real love, true love, is that it has no boundaries, you can’t put it in a little box, it can take on as many formats as life will let it but it will still endure. Charles and Camilla meet, they connect, she goes off and gets married and has kids, he goes off and gets married and has kids. Throughout this time they maintain a friendship even in their different marriages and somehow, somehow, 30 years later, they take the leap and get married. As old people. Ever wonder why? Charles certainly didn’t have to, Camilla probably was comfortable in her own life but they still did it. That’s because love endures.
I hold on to this. I’m not particularly sure why but I know that this love has gone from torrid to tempered, to slowly simmered. I love him through whatever and he loves me through whatever. Maybe that’s enough, as tragic as that seems, but maybe there’s a peace.
Funmi, Funlola, Lola, Lolo, LollyT, Lola Junior, Lolita - note i don't actually like all these names so unless i've told u not to call me Lola, that's the best way to go. I've kuku warned u sha..
2 things i am wearing right now
my special bracelet, and my wig HAHAHAHA!!!
2 things i want to have in a relationship
Loads of laughter, loads of romance (why not?)
2 of my favorite things to do.
Hang out with friends, Dancing
two things i want really badly.
Apple IPhone - yes i want both. very badly. I also want the Nokia E90 Communicator or the Samsung G810 Phone. aaah, do i have to stop? i like this question.
2 pets i had or have..
My cat Lulu Chiquita
My sister's burriful siamese cat Shadow
2 things i did last nite.
Wrote some essays for a job
Chatted on the phone
2 things i ate last nite.
Ofada Rice and Peppered Stew yuuuuum!
Twix Chocolate Bar, weird combo hunh?
2 people i talked to
2 things i am doin right now
Wondering why they didn't start production on Eclairs??? ah well, na dem problem now lol!
2 longest car rides
Travelling from Toronto to Boston Greyhound style on that fateful day. A trip that's supposed to take like 8/10 hours took 18hrs with detention at immigration in between! don't ask....
Also my trips from Ottawa to Boston and vice versa those last days in college. Though I enjoyed it, there's nothing like the Quebec countryside.....so beautiful, so peaceful!
2 fav holidays..
Quebec City - during college
Not really a vac sha but staying at the Westin for Caribana in 2004! I love the westin soooo much, just sleeping in that bed with room service watching "American in Paris"....lovely!
Moccacino, Cappucino, Espresso, Dunkin Donuts Iced Coffee, Tim Hortons Iced Cap......aaah, Iced Cap, i miss Ottawa :o(
person no longer alive i'd like to talk to.
My Daddii Mr. Funsho "Chalingo" T! or rex chalingo...warreva!
Last time I saw Eddie was at the Randolph Cinema in randolph, massachusetts like 7 years ago. I was with my sis and her best friend walking out of a movie when my sis's best friend went, "ooh, who's that cute guy...?" so i turned and of course i was like "EDDIE!!!!" I think we exchanged numbers and talked once on the phone but then i don't know what happened. I'd love to see Eddie. We used to say 5 years after high school we'd find each other from wherever and hang out but that's come and gone. Eddie where art thou?
I think misery loves company. I think generally people like to see you down, to see you unhappy, to see you unfulfilled, to see you struggling, etc. I think the only people that think otherwise are your friends and family and that is exactly why they're your friends and family. And not even all of them at that.
Why is it that people are threatened by competence? by confidence? by focus?
Once everyone has a scapegoat is it easier to just join the fray and pick that person as a scapegoat as well? Is it very hard to be objective and to give everyone a fair chance? To want this is to want a fairy tale i think. Most people judge you. And they judge you against themselves, what they can achieve and what they haven't, and then they judge YOU against them. That's how they deal internally with their own issues. Get it?
I feel displaced right now. I feel alone on an island that i've worked all my life to build a bridge to. I like my island. I'm satisfied with my island. So why do I still feel bothered by the fact that I'm alone on this island? Hmmm, something to think about.
Well-behaved women never make history they say. Everyone celebrates them but do they ever celebrate themselves? Do they ever feel accomplished? I think of all the women that I admire and none of them are described as....................nice. In fact many a time, people would describe them as............thorny/bitchy, etc. Think about it. So do I then have to be bitchy to be successful as a woman? Can a "nice" woman ever make history? Ever be a rebel-rouser? Ever be a revolutionist? Even be a barrier breaker? Does the ceiling breaker suffer?
I feel at a crossroads of life.
I've realized that my goals are TOUGH goals. I never thought they would be this TOUGH. I never knew what the real sacrifices would be. To be so driven to want to be the best at this young age. I used to cut out pictures and articles of women who were tops in the business world. I used to idolize and dream of being these sorts of women. But behind those smiles and those power suits, are women who have sacrificed things we all consider important. All those women are ready to ruffle some feathers...........but ruffling feathers is not an easy job. Ruffling feathers is not an easy job.
I wish I could be satisfied with not being the best. I wish I could be satisfied with the prospects of not being successful.
But I can't.
I'm driven. It's a fire and I can't help it.
I'm at a crossroads. I have to decide.
1. Honestly, are you in love right now?
2. Honestly, what color is your underwear?
Blue & Pink
3. Honestly, what's on your mind right now?
So much work to do, this blogger is a distraction
4. Honestly, what are you doing right now?
Answering this question, trying to finish up a report
5. Honestly, what did you do today?
Cleaned my room and came to work!
6. Honestly, do you think you are attractive?
7. Honestly, have you done something bad today?
Nope! but it's only 1:30pm...
8. Honestly, do you watch Disney channel?
10. Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?
11. Honestly, do you bite your nails?
Yes, it's a very bad habit and i'm trying to stop
12. Honestly, what is your mood right now?
13. Honestly, who do you want to see at this very moment?
14. Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?
No, not really
15. Honestly, do you hate someone right now?
Hate is a strong one but this one is bothering on that, i'm praying to God to help me cuz that's the only way I wont just burst out in expletives at him one day
16. Honestly, who/what do you want to hug right now?
No one really.
17. Honestly, do your wrists hurt?
Kinda, my left wrist
18. Honestly, are you in denial?
Very clear right now.........nope, not in denial
19. Honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now?
20. Honestly, is it easier to talk on Blogger than in person?
For some peeps yea but mostly no.
21. Honestly, does anyone like you?
22. Honestly, is it going anywhere with them?
Honestly, i don't know yet
24. Honestly, did you answer all these questions honestly?
I think so!
NO, I HAVEN'T BEEN KOKO'D OH!!!!!
and no, i don't see it in my near future either! i'm just a blogger groupie who had an opportunity to meet the kokomaster and got excited about it. i don't know him like that o!
the management :o)
Weighty Issues - chronicles of years of body issues, weight management, and losing 100lbs
Hope 2008: A new America - i'm tickled by the possibilities of a black president or a female president. can they really win the fight with republicans?
What's In A Name? - a revolt against changing the culture of calling people by initials in the workplace and calling people by their names!
I may gist and share a few more *secrets* along the way but let's see!
Anyhoo....soo my friend, the lovely and also very naughty Noble took me somewhere yesternight (no, nothing like that get your mind outta the gutta!). <<<<<<<<
1. I am DEFINITELY a dbanj groupie
2. While i'm generally an okay hostess, i WILL abandon guests for a chance to hang out with said dude (i actually shocked myself with this one)
3. My shame levels are disturbingly low.
4. I don't really need to know you before jumping in the sack with you. (no i did not but i'm just saying...)
5. I now believe in love at first sight lol!
I think the more i feed this thing the bigger it grows which leaves me a bit worried but that's okay :o) One thing is though, i want to say i told u so to many peeps. While everyone was paying left right and center to go see his shows and stuff, i was so convinced that the first time i meet him truly, it would be like a one-on-one thingie not a mass giration and i was right!
Ok, i promise i won't mention dude's name on this blog again (this week - detox is 12 steps na...)
thanks for actually finishing this post lol!
Last week I went to the dentist in this area i didn't know too well. So after pretty much like dental surgery (had to cut off part of my gums that had overgrown the tooth area....yeah WTF?), anyway, I was drugged up, just wearing out my anasthesia (sp?), so i see a bunch of guys (okada, aboki etc.) and i'm like let me ask for directions to the gate. Here's the convo:
ME: Ehrm, excuse me, please can someone tell me how to get to the get?
COLLECTIVE LOT: (nothing, they completely ignore me, one girl sorta shifts her eye so i figure i should ask her since the rest look like some hot shit is prickling their behind....)
ME: please which way is it to the gate?
GIRL: just go there (points to nowhere in particular) just keep going that way
ME: which way?
GUY FROM COLLECTIVE LOT: YOU, you're such a foolish girl, you no fit open ya mouth talk say good afternoon, dem no teach you well, look am.....psschew
NOW...tell me, what did i do to warrant such an abuse from an aboki wey no even know someone before? just dey rain abuse on top persin head...............I was sooooo angry. Why are people so mad just by looking at you? shooo......it AIN'T MY FAULT u sitting under the scorching sun watching someone's gate...jeez. Attitude determines altitude baby. Idiot man.
Anyway, i can't even think of any concrete other examples, the above just came to mind as to how on any good day the thought "why the hell am in this twilight zone?" can come up.
Moving on.....funny thing happened on the way to work today. See, okada drivers are known to be especially reckless, forget about right of way and all that rubbish, okada riders no send, they'll come from the corner, from the left, from the right, from opposite directions, if they could jump on your car, they would. They break you side mirrors, your rear lights, your doors....pretty much anything and keep on trucking.
Anyway so this morning in front of the "TomTom Zebra Crossing" (wink*, wink*), an official was stopping traffic so a pedestrian could cross the very busy and dangerous road. The car in front (which was in front of the car i was in) sha stopped. A shiny new VW Audi with tinted windows and this mean looking dude inside. That's how the okada dude didn't stop sha and just rammed into the back of the VW with two other okadas following suit, of course the back lights just fell in pieces to the ground with this spiral spring thingie hanging out......KAI!!! GBESE!!! so that's how the driver door just opened and i SWEAR one shaquille looking but fatter and uglier mean mugging man just stepped out...................SHEGE!!! the person on the back of the okada just fastly jumped off and started walking fast the other way.......I LAUGH TIRE. you shoulda seen the face of the okada dude....LOL. Big Giant Man, just looked at him real mean and said "oya, to the side, to the side..." kai, i wanted to watch oh!!! but i was already late for work.....
One thought: NIGERIA vs. GHANA ---------->what do u think?
Second though: NY GIANTS vs. NE PATRIOTS ---------> sixth superbowl appearances, 3 superbowl championships, BRING HOME THE FOURTH BABY!!!!!!!!!!! GO PATS!!!!!!
ah.....let me leave y'all with this pic of my adorable, adorable, sweetheart. i love this girl sooo much ehn? she's my cousin's baby, and i'm thinking if i can love someone else's kid this much, then mothers must be really trying oh! :o)