Oh my, it's been some time! Crazy Crazy week....so much to write i don't even know where to start from. Well, let me sort of set the scene here. Been feeling sorta dreary lately. About work, about Lagos, about Nigeria, everything. My hallucinations of MacDonalds or butter scrambled eggs with toast, baked beans and a turkey sausage, OR pancake breakfast at Perkins or IHOP has been fueling this dreariness to new heights. I mean WHY can't MacDonalds come to Lagos really? I swear if i eat one more Fried Rice with Chicken, i think i'm gonna walk right up to the Sweet Sensations counter and throw it all up. In their face. Seriously. Sitting in my room waiting till 6:00pm to turn on the gen, I come to this specific conclusion: I hate Nigerian food. I mean I never really liked all starchy things anyway. I could stand it in North America, because there it was like......delicacy, once in a while and you're done. But here???? every day all day baby. It's like a woozy sea of eba, semo, fufu, iyan, eba, ground rice, eba, semo, fufu, iyan....well, u get the point. I swear the entire diet consists of just four foods: maize, cassava, rice, and yam. Well, at least it's more than that remote tribe I was watching on BBC Prime where they had two foods.......the bark of a some local tree or slugs.

Anyway, here's the week so far:

I feel pretty good. No work due to corper's week. Went to work to collect my NYSC clearance form (u need it to get paid the great NYSC allowance of N8000/month). Bumped into my boss and of course right there, impromptu, she asked if i had a flash drive and gave me work to do. Ah.....i'm used to it though. Work NEVER stops. Trust Me. EVER. I'm still depressed until someone told me Virgin Nigeria was having a sale to London for N60000. So I start praying fervently and running back and forth between airline offices trying to get something good. I mean it's not too late right? right? RIGHT????? Emirate Airlines?? yeah, i'll go there....wherever, just get me out......boy was i wrong. Looks like Nigeria it is. Depression is back briefly followed by resignation. I think Sango is punishing me.

Ah, another day. Gotta do clearance today. God of Mercy, I hate this place (local govt, not Nigeria, keep up!). I mean once i start nearing the gate of the local government my heart starts beating like crazy, and i start feeling faint. I feel like running. Fast. But can't. The place is crowded with all sorts of people. I'm still amazed that some of these people ACTUALLY got a higher education. I mean, university in Nigeria can be VERY expensive considering the stories i've heard of professors withholding your grades until something greases their palms. NYSC really sucks. We get there at 9am and basically we have to wait till whenever the zonal inspector decides she's good. I'm not playing. people have waited there till 8pm at night. And then when she does decide to start signing, EVERYBODY rushes to the front table and the serious gra gra starts. Pushing, shoving, yelling, cursing, biting, punching. Under the hot sun. Three quarters of those there don't even know what deodorant is. over 400 people. Scratching and biting for ONE lady to sign their form. Oh yeah, did i mention that this whole thing sucks? Anywho....today i wasn't feeling like hustling. At about 3pm, Mrs. S begins. For once, she decides to go by numbers. YOu would think that would calm down the mob at the front table...but noooooo. Nigerians always want to one up the next person. The crowd remains. To cut this story short sha, after waiting, I see this girl who just walks up to the table signs her shit and moves on. So i decide hustling can be the only way out of here. But lady is a witch. She seizes my NYSC ID card. See, whenever this happens you're supposed to either die, or give her your first born son. I just stand there, not really caring. She yells i should come back on Thursday to do it. Punishment. Whatever lady. I ask her rather rudely if she really believes i'll come here on thursday, smirk, and walk away. Ladies and Gentlemen, don't know if I will be shamelessly discharged from NYSC because of this, but do i care? NO. Egg McMuffin....Egg McMuffin.....

NYSC Charity Walk. Apparently from National Stadium to Alausa! These people are stark, raving, mad. I laugh. Home was fun.

YAY!!!!! Going to abuja!!! Love, love, love abuja. It's absolutely, clean, quiet and gorgeous. Plus you can literally smell power and oil money in the air. Hmmmm..........what sweet sweet smell. Every trip i've taken to Abj via Virgin has been great. Always, always meet really cool people. Joke Silva, NLNG folks, and some others i won't mention in case their wives are reading. lol. Travelling as a single woman to Abuja is like having a target on your back. Like there's a rule in Abuja that under NO circumstances must a woman be alone in the city. If u see one, it's a man's duty, absolute duty to work towards rectifying that. No. I don't mean hot, young, men, i mean old, randy, old filthy rich men. well, there are hot young guys too but they generally don't do the approaching. Just to clarify here.......i generally LOVE my independent single girl routine here and DONT respond well to approaches at all. For me, it's an opportunity to collect business cards. Business cards and networking are the soul of any businessperson in nigeria worth his/her mettle.

Continuing on sha............met Nnegest Likke, director of Phat Girls on the plane, she gave me an invite to the premier of the movie in Nigeria. Went. Delightful event and very chichi pu pu with Ministers of this and Ministers of that's wives. Tuface was there. Performed. Generally good time! Wanted so badly to take pictures but got to Abuja to find out that i left the memory card at home. Bummer. Met the guy who played Tunde too (his wife was GLUED, just GLUED to his side the entire time, can't say i blame the gal, Naija babes no dey play). Went with a friend. A Hausa friend of mine who kept on seeing girls he knew. Hausa babes now, all covered up and everything. I felt uncomfortable for a minute, i mean here I am in a see thru top (tank top under but still, my arms, my arms!!! they must think dude has taken to dating prostitutes.........I'm so self conscious here, I really don't want to offend anybody and get stoned but I really don't want to have to dress all covered up either.....hmmm, dilemma..


Anonymous said...

Girl. Your too funny busted out laughing. Glad you having fun. When you say phat girls do u mean with Monque? miss u tons

Nne- toronto.

Anonymous said...

haha gotta love the blog...glad to hear that nigeria is treating ya well...still cant believe u went back...but thats really cool... btw yesterday i ordered some yummy yummy (yes they still exist)...oops dont want to tempt ya hehe!

hey miss ya...cant wait to tell ya about my experiences in the real world....damnnn!

peace out homie,

Your not-so-little bro

Angie said...

Was reading thru ur blog and saw ur post on NYSC struggle..i almost fell off my chair laughing cos i just finished serving in lagos and it was HELL. were u by any chance at the V.I local gov(Eti-osa).
Lovely blog girl...love ur blog too