my mind's a little all over the place today..........have so much stuff mulling over in my heard and not much time to blog. My work is kicking my butt at the moment, it's very hard to be brilliant u know!!!! hehehe. but seriously thought i'm under pressure from my self and from "the big boss" to be exceptional at all times so the race is on...Anyway, this entry will be a bit disjointed sha.
First, something's been bugging me lately that i must blog about. It's that i've noticed that some people are so fake. Their relationships are largely periphereal, conditional type of friendships/relationships. As in, "ore asiko" (friend of the moment). When their moons change or their tides change, they quickly shed their skin and are on to the next thing. Some people tend to mistake that for being a "lean, mean" sort of go-getter. They misinterpret it as being focused but in reality it's more like tunnel vision and it's not a positive thing. I can't fathom living life like that. Me, i value the relationships in my life. If i don't like you as a person then I just ain't gonna bother with you but if I do then i'm a "ride or die chick", i'm with ya till the end. I'm a loyal friend and it just sucks that not everyone you meet is like that.
Which brings me to the second point, Friendships. Like I said anyone that knows me knows that i extremely value the friends in my life. They are absolutely my support system. People that love me and accept me for who I am, they know me and know that "the chick is a lil crazy" but it's alright u know. Let me shout out a few of them:
Afia - or 'Fifi or 'Fia. Afia is pretty much my longest running friend. I guess about six years now (i have friends for longer but we're not as tight as perhaps we were before so it's not the same). 'fia is a special babe on her own. She looks so small and timid but let no man be fooled, she packs a punch!!! I'm always amazed that guys always single her out and become very smitten with her very quickly cuz they think she's shy..........that girl is FREAKY y'all lol, lol. (Sorry Fia :o) ) One of the many cool things about Afia is that she's not judgemental and you can just call her and talk about ANYTHING. Nothing shocks this babe and she'll give you an objective point of view. She's also good at reminding you that "please, girl u can't do that ish....you broke!!!" yeah yeah yeah.
Enite - Enite is a party hard kinda girl. That's why there are many people out there who wouldn't believe that she's a more serious minded person than me! Her play time and her work time are very well delineated, she's a work hard, play hard sorta babe. Enite can be at the bar downing body shots of Vodka (i said body shots o!) but next morning she'd be very sad cuz one of her old patients is not feeling well or something. And she's a nurse! And a very hardworking and dedicated one too. She'll tell you the real too and is someone you can trust not to go gossiping cuz she really can't be bothered. Good peeps.
And then there's Dipo, Nicholas, Tayo et al. I would write blurbs on all of them but i just realized i'm tired so guess not...a simple shout out will do, sorry guys!
Thirdly, I've realized lately that i'm very proud of myself o! Very very proud of myself. A lot of people always ask me how I got my job, who do i know. And i'm like, no one. I did it on my own. Or who is the someone special that persuaded me to come to nigeria and i'm like, no one. I just did it. And there are many people that think and even convinced that the "big boss" and I have some sort of link, that's why he's shown confidence in me and i have to respond again. No. Nothing. It's my hard work and dedication and belief that nothing's impossible and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I really believe that. I've had so much opportunity come to me in the last year, that i have to wake up in the mornings and just give thanks to God. When I look at what i'm coming from, in the reality, and look at where things are now and how bright the future is, it's nothing short of amazing. Black Enterprise magazine used to have a feature on the top 100 businesswomen in America and everytime that issue came out, I used to read and read and reread every single profile. I even cut out the covers one time and pasted it in this book I had of what I wanted to acheive in my life. I remember that book and i'm happy cuz somehow, I can really see it. The path has actually cleared and it's not that far.
Finally, if one more ex of mine get married to the next girl they dated after me, I'm gonna SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!
My Darling Daddii
Today's my dad's memorial. November 24. I can hardly believe two years has passed. Time waits for no one indeed. This following is something I wrote last year September and I think it goes well here....
It's so weird when you have a parent die. Especially if you tie so much of your identity to that person. You lose that aspect of your life forever and are left wondering if all those aspects of your identity still exists if the person whom they stemmed from is dead. There's no day I don't think of my dad. None. Especially with me being in Nigeria. My Dad would have been soooo ecstatic to see it happen. He would have been OVER the moon. We always dreamt it together and when it came time for me to actually make that big step, he wasn't even around to see it. To be proud of it. Sometimes I forget that he's no longer here and want to rush to the phone to call him and gist about some of my experiences here. I can imagine we would have stayed on the phone for hours :o)! Or sometimes I think of some of those few last moments when even as it happened I knew I was going to cherish the moment forever. One of such moments was during Howard Dean's democratic "crazy rant"...........we were talking about it and my dad was like how crazy is that?!?!?! and he proceeded to re-enact the whole thing................."from here it's to Vermont, to OHIO, TO BOSTON, AND RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"................lol, all crazy like. lol, lol. Or when we finally convinced him to take the codeine pills he soooo refused to take, and he took it and within minutes just jumped up, and started joking around like his normal self. And my sis and I were joking that he's a druggie, he's high....................... :o) Man, if I were to write about my dad, my journey with him in this life, our journey with cancer et. al. it would take forever. But it will all sum up to this:
I love my Dad.
I miss my Dad.
Everyone was downstairs, gathered around the t.v mindlessly watching whatever 20/20 was feeding the nation. I walked upstairs. My dad was lying on the bed and the room was dark, as usual. It's like the further his health slipped, the farther hope was, the darker he wanted to keep his surroundings. So I entered, turned on the light and lay next to my father. He said "so u think we should do the Germany treatment." we had been discussing treatment options for the last two weeks. The family was divided. We all knew anything from now on would be palliative so the issue at hand wasn't how do we cure this but how do we keep him alive the longest. A doctor in Atlanta promised 6 more months with his immunotherapy which focuses on strengthening the immune system to battle the invasive effects of cancer. This treatment was costly. The other option was an Ukrain Therapy with a German doctor in ulm, germany. Ukrain was a new cancer treatment gaining momentum around the world but illegal in the United States mainly because of the pharmaceutical companies not being able to trademark it and making money off of it. Still, ukrain has been documented to prolong life for 11months. This treatment was extra costly. My mother and sister felt Atlanta is cheaper and more accesible to us, we'd be able to be with my dad the whole way while germany is largely a huge risk, costlier, and would take my dad away from the family for 3weeks. Time which really was running out. However as a researcher I read the graphs and the statistics and if Ukrain could keep my dad alive for 11 more months, then that is the way to go. My dad agreed with me so we were now just in a battle to convince the rest of the family. We talk treatment options. Just he and I in darkly lit room upstairs, on his bed. Then my dad bursts into tears. Starts crying in a very hopeless way. He said to me, "I don't want to die Lola, I don't want to die. I want to see you kids grow up, I want to see you get married and I want to see my grandkids. I don't want to die." I think at that moment we both knew that no matter how much he wished it, no matter what treatment, the reality is, he IS going to die and he IS dying. I want to cry too but I know that all my dad has left is hope. So I turn to him and tell him how proud I am of him. How proud I am of the way he is handling this whole thing, that I don't know anyone else who would be dealing with this with the same dignity and strength that he has been. I tell him that this is a hard thing for anyone to go through. how would anyone else react when their doctor says to them, you have at the most, 6wks left to live? I tell him at that very moment I respect and admire and love him not just as a dad but as a human being. I said he's alright. He stops crying and holds my hand. He always held my hand, and we just lay there, counting the moments. I knew that was going to be the most poignant point of my life.
I remember when I was young, my dadwas everything a little girl dreams of. To me he was strong, handsome, funny. He loved me and protected me. A smart, intelligent businessman who travelled the entire span of the world. I never got along much with my mother but my dad and I from day ONE were buddies...I remember being maybe 5/6 and we'd have guests and i'd still run into his arms and just sit there. whenever he was away on business and got back, I would run into his room and as he put his luggage away I would rat on every single person in the household and tell him everything everyone had been doing . I was his little secretary too when i was like 10. I'd help balance his checkbook, call his suppliers and tell them to "hold for your caller"..... he was a giant to me, a superman. From much younger he told me anything a man can do a woman can do so don't let anyone tell u because you are a woman blah blah blah. When I was older he said stay true to yourself and never let a man railroad you. The very first laptop I owned my dad had gift wrapped and sent it
to me in college for Valentine's Day. Always encouraged, always held my hand, there were times it felt like it was he and I against the world. The strongest man I knew and I had to stand and watch as literally he shriveled up and disappeared right in front of my eyes. I had a conversation once with my mother yesterday and she told me the day before my father died, he called her and said to her that for him, she has to really really take care of me and guide me, and support me. Even as he lay dying, he did think of me. At the morgue, I held his hand and even though it was cold, it felt familiar and it felt comforting and I just knew everything would be ok. And it is.
It's so weird when you have a parent die. Especially if you tie so much of your identity to that person. You lose that aspect of your life forever and are left wondering if all those aspects of your identity still exists if the person whom they stemmed from is dead. There's no day I don't think of my dad. None. Especially with me being in Nigeria. My Dad would have been soooo ecstatic to see it happen. He would have been OVER the moon. We always dreamt it together and when it came time for me to actually make that big step, he wasn't even around to see it. To be proud of it. Sometimes I forget that he's no longer here and want to rush to the phone to call him and gist about some of my experiences here. I can imagine we would have stayed on the phone for hours :o)! Or sometimes I think of some of those few last moments when even as it happened I knew I was going to cherish the moment forever. One of such moments was during Howard Dean's democratic "crazy rant"...........we were talking about it and my dad was like how crazy is that?!?!?! and he proceeded to re-enact the whole thing................."from here it's to Vermont, to OHIO, TO BOSTON, AND RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"................lol, all crazy like. lol, lol. Or when we finally convinced him to take the codeine pills he soooo refused to take, and he took it and within minutes just jumped up, and started joking around like his normal self. And my sis and I were joking that he's a druggie, he's high....................... :o) Man, if I were to write about my dad, my journey with him in this life, our journey with cancer et. al. it would take forever. But it will all sum up to this:
I love my Dad.
I miss my Dad.
THANKS YBF!!!!
Okay y'all......................I love YBF's blog and all, but for this........................................I'M IN LOVE!!!! how could she have known that this is Lola's "dream team". To me these two brothers are the sexiest brothas in The Hood for realz. I'm not one of those babes who likes pretty boys at all. I like me some rough rugged, African looking mo'fuckas. None of that primping, light skinned brotha bs. That thing ticks me off man! I have a few friends that have been amazed at who I think is attractive. Many a time we'll be talking and they'd name some guy who's all oiled down and mean mugging the camera and be like "Lola.........Lola.non? no? nada?" And i'm like yeah whatever. I mean who wants to get with someone who looking at the mirror is turning his OWN self on, like damn, i'm too sexy, I wish I could sex meself......AARGH! Which just brought to mind a friend of mine. MAAAAN, if y'all see this mudrucka, you'd be amazed. This man dances like he's in sex me video ALL the time, you just always end up feeling sorry for which ever poor girl he's dragged up from her seat only because he wants to show himself off. The girl is probably cowering in the corner and my friend who i'll call K.M. is just at it, working on a baby....................all by himself! There was this one time and I was completely amazed by what was happening in front of my eyes. KM was in one corner "dancing" frantically, sexing himself up, and his girlfriend was at the other end of the dancefloor doing the same thing, you just expect that any minute now, a baby would just plop out, roll to the middle and proceed to show off his own "too sexy for my neck moves" i mean completely amazing. it was just mesmerizing and intense to watch. I mean, HOW DID THEY FIND EACH OTHER?!?!?! and to think KM's bro does exactly the same thing....it's wild!
But anyway, let me just not digress further......so here's Idris Elba and dude from "Remember the Titans". Don't know homie's name, but ah well.......he fine, he don't need no name!
Blah.....................
I've just been in a sort of funky mood lately. Nothing much going on but the usual, and if there is, i'm not too much into it. Ah well, just the way the cookie crumbles I guess. I just don't go out as much as I used to do anymore, either it's work, or seriously, i'd just much rather stay home in my time off. Although there are a few places that are just cropping up that i'd love to visit. that place that's above St. Elmos on Awolowo Rd, Ikoyi, can't remember what it's called jare. I think there's another one on that road. Perhaps this weekend i'll venture out again.
Perhaps one of these day's i'll do a post on Eko Tourist Beach, which is like, my favorite place in Lagos I think. It's so beautiful there. If per chance.....very slim, very very slim one..........i get proposed to in Nigeria, it has to be there. It's just lovely. Ah well......long day, gotta head home now. thinking about buying diesel for the gen and paying cable bills.............arghhhh..........!
Perhaps one of these day's i'll do a post on Eko Tourist Beach, which is like, my favorite place in Lagos I think. It's so beautiful there. If per chance.....very slim, very very slim one..........i get proposed to in Nigeria, it has to be there. It's just lovely. Ah well......long day, gotta head home now. thinking about buying diesel for the gen and paying cable bills.............arghhhh..........!