Naija Blues

i've got the kraft
macaroni & cheese blues
i've got the bluessss...

I don't know what's happening to me today. I just woke up sooooo depressed. I think i've been so tired mentally and bored for a little while now. My job is probably the biggest contributor to this. It's gone from something that was so fantastic, enjoyable, and challening. In fact last year I had to keep reminding myself that I'm so lucky to have a job doing exactly what I want to do. But since then, everything has just soured. In the name of job expansion i guess, another portfolio has been added to mine, and i'm just not with it. HOWEVER, it's taken soo much of my time. I want to have a good outlook like ok, i'll do this one extremely well, to the absolute best of my abilities, and just use this opportunity to show my versatility but damn.........coupled with the after effects of the scandal, and the office place just not being the same.

I think I just want to go home. I'm tired of Nigeria. I miss the things that have been "regular" to me for soo long. I was joking with my friend the other day that I think the day my plane lands in America, I will be so goddamn emotional. Man, it's been a long while since i've been out, and a long way for me. I remember the day I left home. No one was even home. Just me and my brother and we weren't even talking at that time. I just got up, showered, finished packing, called a cab. I remember we had just had a snowstorm and there was ice everywhere. I remember calling Tmobile from the taxi and they ticking me off :) Yes, I definitely need to go visit and SOON or i'mma have to cut somebody. I don't know how i'll do it though since getting anything at work is like getting to see Babangida while he's visiting Obasanjo in Aso Rock. I always say, if there's anything that can go wrong, any roadblocks that can pop up, the people at my job WILL find it and just make your life a living hell. A friend of mine recently needed a letter that stated that she did indeed work there and you wouldn't believe the hassle. Something that should be as simple as:
SHE: i need a letter stating I work here please
THEM: oh, (since that's one of my freaking templates) sure, come pick it up next week.
SHE: thanks!

But noooooo........ this is how it goes instead
SHE: Please, please, please, please, i need a letter stating I work here...please
THEM: go and write me a formal letter asking me
SHE: ok
SHE: ok, here's the letter
THEM: you need to get it signed by your boss
SHE: ok
(walks back about a block to her office to get's it signed)
SHE: here it is!
THEM: (looks disgustingly at the letter)you need to get it signed by HR
SHE: uhm...ok
(walks to HR to get it signed)
HR: why do u need this
SHE: i need to get a visa
HR: why
SHE: i want to travel
HR: put the dates and get your boss to sign it (knowing that would be impossible cuz she's not allowed to go to vacation yet)
SHE: uhm, i'm going on a weekend so i don't see why my boss as to approve the dates
HR: you're going to London for the weekend (looking disgustingly)
SHE: yes
HR: she still needs to sign the date
SHE: ok
(goes to reprint the letter, sign it by her boss, take to HR to sign, take to Corporate Affairs to sign)
THEM: ok, come and get it in 4 working days
SHE: but it's just right there, you just need to sign it and i'll be on my way.
THEM: Sorry, the policy is 4 working days
SHE: (?!@?!!!?@@!!) NARF OFF!!!

Lol. except for the narf off, that's the way it goes. for a simple letter. that states you work for the company...........BLAH! Maybe I should just lie and say I was abducted for two weeks! they'd believe that ish for SURE!

Anyway back to my depression. It's even bordering on the existential a la Lisa in Saved By The Bell (what is art? is art art? are we art?) Lol. Hey! Maybe it's just a quarter life crisis, i've heard of this happening but maybe this is it? One thing I find myself thinking about (or trying not to think about) is death? how strange is death and this life? you're born and then you die. we all don't even know what happens when you die (Christians believe if you're good you go to heaven if not then it's hell but how does all that work out? do you really see Peter at the door? do you fly there from your body or do you just appear, one sec u watching tv, next thing you're like wha? peter?). it's like you just cease to exist, like a cockroach that you kill in your house and throw in the incinerator (aka bonfire). A staff member just died this weekend. I liked her. I can't believe she died. And then the VTech people. They wake up, go to French class, and never come out again. My dad who died of cancer which is the LAST THING anyone thought would kill the guy. He liked his beer, i think smoked when he was younger (i never saw him smoke) and that's about it. He was fine one minute and dead the next. Toni Payne's I assume little cousin or nephew of some sort apparently died. And then thinking of that I remember my two cousins that died last year, they were 8 and 10. What's the point? How do you make your life meaningful in this race to the grave?

Ah....i don't mean to depress y'all too I swear!!! Everything is just seeming so random to me right now. Not just death but everything. Random. I told you, existential right? (man, that class fucked me up oh, i won't lie!)

I know what i'm gonna do. I'm gonna do something really crazy and out of this world that the drama of it all will take my mind off all these thoughts! (don't worry y'all nothing morbid in anyway oh!) lol. it'll probably involve a yes, i'm that girl that read seventeen mag until i was like 21!

Anyway, toodles!


ExcitedJade said...

heya.. pele.. u really need a vacation...

Mamarita said...

Dude you know I always think about death too, like what comes after, I mean you die, and then what. Your human body is left, does your soul get recycled, your memory erased or do you just float eternally, waiting for the end of the world so you can be judged.
I'm not ready to die, I'm afraid of death, its inevitable, but I just don't want it know

As per work, take it easy, things could be worse, you could be a prostitute barely making minmum wage working in a stinky room where men just "pop in" and "come out" :) I know horrible picture to paint eh. And I remember the day you decided to leave for Nigeria, you had a mission that alone ought to sustain

SET said...

You need a break, you mean you never came back to America since u left in 2005? No I might wanna cut someone too if that was the case. Goodluck, with the job letter, that is pure BS.

Anonymous said...

Life is funny,lam depressed because i want to come back hm to nigeria.You have to take it easy and count your blessings.

racquelle-cutie said...

the best thing is to do things that please you,staying in a job that leaves you depressed is not good at all remember that life is short and you dont wanna spend it doing things that make you unhappy


babes, what kind of office do u work in??? thats enough to make anyone have a qtr life crisis. damn u need a holiday!!!!!

urhobo gyal said...

looola, wats up boo? gurl u totally got me depressed reading ur posting. Talkin about death and all. abeg stop all that shhh.WHERE IS THE NEXT PARTY @!!!!!:):):).The way i see it. We only have one life to live so enjoy it while u are here...after that the rest is in Gods hand. U def need a vacation hun. sometimes all it takes is to get away from your "regular" life to appreciate the little things that keep u happy. u berra come visit soon. Where is the part II of the post? wat boy was ur target? and wat happened? am waiting for gist :) u heard from ricardo?

Toni Payne said...

yeah! It was my little cousin and mehn when something like that happens u just see life from a different perspective. I have not quite figured it out yet, right now I think im still floating. No matter how you look at it, we live, we die, end of story.

Makes u ask yourself "whats the point". I bust my ass all day, hell, whats the point. I want to look good, whats the point? I wanna have money, whats the point? When you see someone you love going in the ground, guess wot, no house, no cars, no boyfriend, no girlfriend, no weave is going with them. so whats the point. We spend so much time worrying about things that dont matter.

I wish I could just pin point and figure out things that do so I can spend the rest of my life doing just that. The finality of death is scary, a lot of people say you are not supposed to fear death but hey I have to admit, Im a bit of a coward.

As far as i know I would say to you, dont spend your time being depressed or worrying about things you cant control. Its pointless, enjoy yourself, do what is fulfiling to you. If you want to do something do not let anything get in ur way if that is what makes you happy. So far Ive learned im happy when im with family and friends so I work towards spending more time with them. u dig?

BOBBY said...

Babe, i am going through quater life well...

Its insane how you are there and you want to be here...and i am here and i wish i was in i have about had it with freaking Canada/USofA and all that.

Like i am done...

Can someone please take me home...

And i talked about death on my blog galfriend died a while back and i swear, every April 25th, i remember was her birthday then.

Now the kind of death i worry about is...I dont want my son growing up without a mother...i know i shouldnt be thinking of this kind of nonsense but it does cross my mind...

I smoke and every drag i take, i am like, Cancer dont even come near me...i have a boy to take care of...and thats whats leading to me quitting...

ALl we can do is pray and thank God for our lives aye? Thats about it!

But girl take a vacation...get away from work will do you some good.

Lola said...

bobby - thanks for dropping by! just one quick thing. try and quit smoking and take it really really seriously. cancer is a horrible way to go and a lot of times it is quite preventable. but when it comes, it's devastating and its effects if it doesn't kill you lasts forever.

Ok, i'm getting off my soapbox now!